SexZeeNation- By Zee Adamu-O’Shaugnessy

 

HOW DO I TALK TO MY PARTNER ABOUT SEX?

Talking  to your partner about your likes and dislikes and your boundaries helps you build a healthy relationship and have a satisfying sex life.

How do I tell my partner what I like sexually?

Sometimes you expect a new partner to know what to do sexually…then end up being disappointed when things just don’t feel that good. Luckily, there’s a pretty simple way to turn sex that’s just okay into a great experience: communication.

Everyone is different, so no matter how experienced your partner is, they may have no idea what makes you excited. You have to let your partner know what you like and what feels good. And it’s good to keep the lines of communication open even if you’ve been together awhile, because what feels good or what you’re interested in doing may change over time.

Some people figure out what they like by having sex with someone, and others get to know their bodies by masturbating. Learning how to have orgasms on your own can make it easier to have one with someone else.

Where do you want to be touched? How much pressure feels good? How fast or slow? You can show your partner what you like by masturbating in front of them or by guiding their hand, mouth, or other body part. Or you can tell them what feels good (or what doesn’t).

Talking about sex might feel a little scary or awkward, but it can also be a big turn-on. And your partner might really appreciate you for bringing it up. If you’re nervous, you can always start by asking them what feels good or what type of sexual activities they’re interested in. Then you can talk about what feels good to you. It’s also a good opportunity to let them know what your boundaries are and what types of sex you’re NOT interested in.

How do I talk to my partner about safer sex?

Protecting each other from unintended pregnancy and/or STDs shows you care, and it can even make your relationship better. It’s totally normal to feel embarrassed to bring it up, but you’ll feel better once you start talking. And your partner will probably be glad you brought it up. The best time to talk about safer sex is BEFORE you start having sex.

A good way to start is by telling your partner that you care about them and want to do everything you can to make sure you’re protecting them and your relationship. You can also talk about your own safer sex history first, which might make your partner feel more comfortable opening up. It’s also a great idea to suggest that you get tested together, so you can support each other.

Some good questions to ask someone before you have sex include:

Which birth control method makes sense for us?

When was the last time you were tested for STDs?

Which STDs were you tested for?

Do you usually use condoms and/or dental dams?

Have you ever shared needles with someone for tattoos, piercings, or drugs? (You can get some STDs like HIV this way, and then they can be passed during sex.)

Have you had any STDs before? Which ones? Did you get them treated?

If your partner won’t get tested or use protection, it may be a sign that your relationship isn’t healthy. When someone refuses to have safer sex when you want to, it means your health isn’t important to them — so they might not be the best person to have a relationship with or to have sex with. You deserve to be safe, healthy, and happy.

How do I say no to sex?

You have the right to say no to any kind of sexual activity. Don’t depend on body language or hope they get the hint that you’re not interested. If you don’t want to do something, say no. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had sex with them before, or what your reason is for not wanting to do it — no means no.

You also have the right to change your mind during sex. Maybe you started having sex and then decided you’re not comfortable doing it or it doesn’t feel right. You can stop any time you want, and your partner shouldn’t make you feel bad or guilty about it. If they do, it’s probably a sign that your relationship is unhealthy.

Sexual consent means saying “yes” — and meaning it. Without that “yes,” there’s no consent. If your partner forces you have sex, it’s rape. If you’re forced to do something else sexually, it’s sexual assault. And being raped or sexually assaulted is never your fault.

Source:Plannedparenthood.org

SexZeeNation – By Zee Adamu O’shaugnessy: Better Sex as You Age

In some cultures in Africa, it is unheard of that Senior citizens still enjoy the natural joys of sex. It is even a taboo to hear that couples in their sixties still indulge in sexual activities. However, with more enlightenment, this trend is fast changing as older couples get more aware that their pleasures should not be denied in any way.

below is an article I found educating and enriching and I hope it will go a long way in changing such impressions and making older couples comfortable with their sex lives.

-Zee

Tips for Enjoying a Healthy Sex Life as You Get Older

Older couple dancingSex can be a powerful emotional experience and a great tool for protecting or improving health, and it’s certainly not only for the young. Sex over the age of 50 can present challenges, and you may feel discouraged by issues connected with the aging process, but these problems are not insurmountable. With better understanding and an open mind, you can continue to enjoy a physically and emotionally fulfilling sex life—it’s not a question of age, but of desire.

Good sex at any age

The need for intimacy is ageless. And studies now confirm that no matter what your gender, you can enjoy sex for as long as you wish. Naturally, sex at 70 or 80 may not be like it is at 20 or 30—but in some ways it can be better. As an older adult, you may feel wiser than you were in your earlier years, and know what works best for you when it comes to your sex life. Older people often have a great deal more self-confidence and self-awareness, and feel released from the unrealistic ideals of youth and prejudices of others. And with children grown and work less demanding, couples are better able to relax and enjoy one another without the old distractions.

For a number of reasons, though, many adults worry about sex in their later years, and end up turning away from sexual encounters. Some older adults feel embarrassed, either by their aging bodies or by their “performance,” while others are affected by illness or loss of a partner. Without accurate information and an open mind, a temporary situation can turn into a permanent one. You can avoid letting this happen by being proactive. Whether you’re seeking to restart or improve your sex life, it’s important to be ready to try new things, and to ask for professional help if necessary. There is much you can do to compensate for the normal changes that come with aging. With proper information and support, your later years can be an exciting time to explore both the emotional and sensual aspects of your sexuality.

Benefits of sex as you age

As an older adult, the two things that may have brought the greatest joy—children and career—may no longer be as prevalent in your everyday life. Personal relationships often take on a greater significance, and sex can be an important way of connecting. Sex has the power to:

  • Improve mental and physical health. Sex can burn fat, cause the brain to release endorphins, and drastically reduce anxiety.
  • Increase lifespan. Through its health-improving benefits, a good sex life can add years to your life.
  • Solidify relationships. Sex is a chance to express the closeness of your deepest relationship.
  • Give refuge. Sex gives you a chance to escape from the sometimes harsh realities of the world.

Accept and celebrate who you are

Sex in later life may not be the same as it was in your youth—but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, sex can be more enjoyable than ever. As you find yourself embracing your older identity, you can:

Reap the benefits of experience. The independence and self-confidence that comes with age can be very attractive to your spouse or potential partners. No matter your gender, you may feel better about your body at 62 or 72 than you did at 22. And it is likely that you now know more about yourself and what makes you excited and happy. Your experience and self-possession can make your sex life exciting for you and your partner.

Look ahead. As you age, try to let go of expectations for your sex life. Do your best to avoid dwelling on how things are different. If you enjoyed an active sex life in your younger years, there’s no reason to slow down with age, unless you want to. A positive attitude and open mind can go a long way toward improving your sex life as you age.

Love and appreciate your older self. Naturally, your body is going through changes as you age. You look and feel differently than you did when you were younger. But if you can accept these changes as natural and hold your head up high, you’ll not only feel better, you’ll also be more attractive to others. Confidence and honesty garner the respect of others—and can be sexy and appealing.

Good sex as you age is safe sex as you age

As an older adult, you need to be just as careful as younger people when having sex with a new partner. You may not be able to get pregnant, but you’re still susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases. Talk to your partner, and protect yourself.

Communicate with your partner

As bodies and feelings change as you grow older, it’s more important than ever to communicate your thoughts, fears, and desires with your partner. Encourage your partner to communicate fully with you, too. Speaking openly about sex may not come easily to you, but improving your communication will help both of you feel closer, and can make sex more pleasurable.

Broaching the subject of sex can be difficult for some people, but it should get easier once you begin. And as an added bonus, you may find that just talking about sex can make you feel sexy. Try the following strategies as you begin the conversation.

Be playful. Being playful can make communication about sex a lot easier. Use humor, gentle teasing, and even tickling to lighten the mood.

Be honest. Honesty fosters trust and relaxes both partners—and can be very attractive. Let your partner know how you are feeling and what you hope for in a sex life.

Discuss new ideas. If you want to try something new, discuss it with your partner, and be open to his or her ideas, too. The senior years—with more time and fewer distractions—can be a time of creativity and passion.

Modernize. You may belong to a generation in which sex was a taboo subject. But talking openly about your needs, desires, and concerns with your partner can make you closer—and help you both enjoy sex and intimacy.

Focus on intimacy and physical touch

A good sex life—at any age—involves a lot more than just sex. It’s also about intimacy and touch, things anyone can benefit from. Even if you have health problems or physical disabilities, you can engage in intimate acts and benefit from closeness with another person. Take the pressure off by putting aside your old ideas of what sex “should be.” Focus instead on the importance of tenderness and contact.

Taking your time

Without pressing workloads or young children to worry about, many older adults have far more time to devote to pleasure and intimacy. Use your time to become more intimate.

Stretch your experience. Start with a romantic dinner—or breakfast—before lovemaking. Share romantic or erotic literature and poetry. Having an experience together, sexual or not, is a powerful way of connecting intimately.

Don’t be shy. Hold hands and touch your partner often, and encourage them to touch you. Tell your partner what you love about them, and share your ideas about new sexual experiences you might have together.

Relax. Find something that relaxes both partners, perhaps trying massage or baths together. Relaxation fosters confidence and comfort, and can help both erectile and dryness problems.

Expanding your definition of sex

Sexuality necessarily takes on a broader definition as we age. Try to open up to the idea that sex can mean many things, and that closeness with a partner can be expressed in many ways.

It’s not just about intercourse. Sex can also be about emotional pleasure, sensory pleasure, and relationship pleasure. Intercourse is only one way to have fulfilling sex. Touching, kissing, and other intimate sexual contact can be just as rewarding for both you and your partner.

Natural changes. As you age, it’s normal for you and your partner to have different sexual abilities and needs. Find new ways to enjoy sexual contact and intimacy. You may have intercourse less often than you used to, but the closeness and love you feel will remain.

Find what works for you

You might not be as comfortable with some sexual positions as you once were, but that doesn’t mean you need to give up an activity that is pleasurable for you—and miss out on feeling close to your partner. Keep in mind that it’s not all about intercourse or recreating the way things were when you were younger. The key to a great sex life is finding out what works for you now. Sex as you age may call for some creativity. Use the following ideas as inspiration, but don’t be afraid to come up with your own.

Experiment. Try sexual positions that you both find comfortable and pleasurable, taking changes into account. For men, if erectile dysfunction is an issue, try sex with the woman on top, as hardness is less important. For women, using lubrication can help.

Expand what sex means. Holding each other, gentle touching, kissing, and sensual massage are all ways to share passionate feelings. Try oral sex or masturbation as fulfilling substitutes to intercourse.

Change your routine. Simple, creative changes can improve your sex life. Change the time of day when you have sex to a time when you have more energy. For example, try being intimate in the morning rather than at the end of a long day.

Foreplay. Because it might take longer for you or your partner to become aroused, take more time to set the stage for romance, such as a romantic dinner or an evening of dancing. Or try connecting first by extensive touching or kissing.

Playfulness. Being playful with your partner is important for a good sex life at any age, but can be especially helpful as you age. Tease or tickle your partner—whatever it takes to have fun. With the issues you may be facing physically or emotionally, play may be the ticket to help you both relax.

Restarting a stalled sex drive

Some older adults give up having a sex life due to emotional or medical challenges. But the vast majority of these issues do not have to be permanent. You can restart a stalled sex drive—and get your sex life back in motion. Remember that maintaining a sex life into your senior years is a matter of good health. Try thinking of sex as something that can keep you in shape, both physically and mentally.

The path to satisfying sex as you age is not always smooth. Understanding the problems can be an effective first step to finding solutions.

Emotional obstacles. Stress, anxiety, and depression can affect your interest in sex and your ability to become aroused. Psychological changes may even interfere with your ability to connect emotionally with your partner.

Body image. As you notice more wrinkles or gray hair, or become aware of love handles or cellulite, you may feel less attractive to your partner. These feelings can make sex less appealing, and can cause you to become less interested in sex.

Low self-esteem. Changes at work, retirement, or other major life changes may leave you feeling temporarily uncertain about your sense of purpose. This can undermine your self-esteem and make you feel less attractive to others.

Worry over “performance.” Worrying about how you will perform, or whether you are worthy of sexual attention from your partner, can lead to impotence in men and lack of arousal or orgasm in women. This may be a problem you have never before had to face. Sex drives can be naturally stalled as you face the realities of aging, but it is possible to overcome these bumps in the road.

Communicate. Talk to your partner, or to a friend or counselor, about your issues, whether they’re physical or emotional. Explain the anxieties you are feeling, ask for and accept reassurance, and continue the conversation as things come up.

Just “do it.” Sex is just as healthy and necessary as exercise and, just like exercise, it may surprise you with pleasure and satisfaction—even if you weren’t “in the mood.” So get back into practice. Once you’re back in the habit, you’ll start to feel better and your sex drive should naturally increase.

Increase your activity level. Bumping up your general level of activity will benefit your sex drive by increasing your energy and sense of well-being.

Let it go. As much as you can, use your age and experience to be wise and candid with yourself. Let go of your feelings of inadequacy and let yourself enjoy sex as you age.

Know when to seek help

No matter what your age, losing your desire for intimacy and touch altogether isn’t normal. In fact, loss of interest or function may be signs of a medical problem—one that may be best addressed by a doctor. If something is getting in the way of your desire or ability to have a good sex life, don’t let embarrassment keep you from asking your doctor for help. Working with a professional, there is much you can do to improve your sex life.

Keep in mind that anything that affects your general health and well-being can also affect your sexual function. Sexual health can be affected by:

Medical conditions. Illnesses that involve the cardiovascular system, high blood pressure, diabetes, hormonal problems, depression, or anxiety can affect sex drive and function. You can talk to your doctor about strategies to combat these issues.

Medications. Certain medications can inhibit your sexual response, including your desire for sex, your ability to become aroused and your orgasmic function. You can talk to your doctor about switching to a different medication with fewer sexual side effects.

Sex after a heart attack

Many older adults with heart disease—or who’ve suffered a past heart attack—are less sexually active than they used to be or even stop having sex completely, often fearing that sex may trigger another heart attack. However, for most people it is still possible to enjoy an active sex life with heart disease.

According to a recent study, for every 10,000 people who have sex once a week, only two or three will experience another heart attack, and their risk of dying during sex is extremely low.

  • Check with your doctor before resuming sexual activity.
  • Participate in a cardiac rehabilitation program to improve your fitness.
  • If you can exercise hard enough to work up a light sweat without triggering symptoms, you should be safe to have sex.
  • Wait to have sex if you have advanced heart failure, severe valve disease, uncontrolled arrhythmia, unstable angina, unstable or severe heart disease.
  • Once your condition is under control, ask your doctor when it’s safe to resume sexual activity.

SourceHarvard Medical School

SexZeeNation- By Zee Adamu O’Shaugnessy

How to talk about sex without alienating your Teen

Oftentimes, your teen may seem unapproachable or extremely uncomfortable when talking to you about personal issues such as sex and sexuality. Here is a list of advice you may want to consider that can help prevent estranging your teen in the process:

Be clear about your values.values
Before you speak with your child about sexuality, think about what your values are. What do you believe? What does your faith tradition say? It is important to give your children factual information – and to be very specific about how your beliefs either agree with or differ from science.

Talk about facts vs. beliefs.factVSbelief
Sometimes, factual information can challenge a personal belief or what a faith community believes. This can provide an opportunity to make sure that your child both has accurate information and hears what your values are relating to it. It also provides an opportunity to explain that there are different beliefs in the community, that people are allowed to disagree with each other, and that differing views should be respected – as long as those views are based on ethics, responsibility, justice, equality, and nonviolence.

Practice what you preach…practice
Young people often find it confusing when parents talk about a value regarding sexuality and then act in a way that does not support that value. Some common values about sexuality and relationships that most people support include honesty, equality, responsibility, and respect for differences. Acting on your values and being a good role model are powerful messages for your children. On the other hand, your beliefs will not seem very important or valuable to your children if they don’t see you respect and abide by them yourself.

… But don’t preach.preach
Have a conversation with your children – don’t talk at them. Find out what they think and how they feel about sexuality and relationships. Then you will be able to share information and respond to questions in ways that will resonate with the belief system they are developing for themselves.

Encourage a sense of pride.pride
All children deserve to be wanted and loved, and parents can reinforce this message. Let them know you are interested in what they think and how they feel about any topic, whether it is sexuality, school, religion, the future, or whatever. When your children share feelings with you, praise them for it. Correct misinformation gently, and reinforce your values whenever possible.

Keep the conversation going.conversation
Too often, parents think they need to wait until they collect enough information and energy to be prepared to have “THE TALK” with their children. However, sexuality is a part of every person’s life from the moment he or she is born. It is important, therefore, to start the conversation early, and to make it clear to your children that you are always willing to talk about sexuality – whenever questions come up for them, or when a “teachable moment” occurs.

Keep your sense of humor!humor
Sexuality, in most of its aspects, can be a joyful topic for discussion in the family. Remember to keep your sense of humor throughout conversations with your child – the conversation doesn’t have to be tense and uncomfortable unless you make it that way.
Things to Remember and Other Tips

Things to Remember and Other Tips

Here is an additional list of some important things to remember throughout your interactions with your teen regarding the topic of sex. This list includes some additional tips and advice not covered in the previous sections.

  1. Teens need accurate information and decision-making skills to help protect them from: the pressure to have sex, unintended pregnancy, and contracting sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV/AIDS.
  2. If talking with your teen about sex is difficult for you, admit it.
  3. Don’t make the conversation tense; keep your sense of humor.
  4. Use the media (example: TV, movies, magazines, and articles) as well as real-life situations (example: a friend’s pregnancy) to begin talking about sex.
  5. Share your values regarding sex, but accept that your teen may choose to have sex despite these values.
  6. Asking questions about sex does not automatically mean that your teen is thinking about having sex. Don’t make assumptions.
  7. Ask your teen what they want to know about sex. If you don’t know the answer, admit it. Find the answers together.
  8. Talk with your teen about reasons to wait to have sex. Remind your teen that they can choose to wait (abstain) even if they have had sex before.
  9. Reassure your teen that not everyone is having sex, and that it is okay to be a virgin. The decision to become sexually active is too important to be based on what other people think or do.
  10. Talk with your teen about ways to handle pressure from others to have sex.
  11. To feel comfortable talking openly with you, your teen needs to know that you will not punish him or her for being honest.
  12. Leave age-appropriate articles or books about teenage sexuality around your home. Teens will pick them up on their own to read them (See the Additional Resources Section).
  13. Your first talk with your teen regarding sex should not be your last! Talk with your teen about sex on an ongoing basis. Let your teen know that you are always open and willing to talk about any questions or concerns they may have about sex.

Source:

Parenting Teens and Preteens

SexZeeNation By Zee Adamu-O’shaugnessy This STD Is As Common As Chlamydia And You’ve Probably Never Heard Of It

A sexually transmitted disease that was only discovered in the 1980s is rapidly turning into an antibiotic-resistant superbug and infecting more people.

Mycoplasma genitalium (MG) is on the rise globally and is showing increased prevalence in Australia, particularly within the gay community.

There is also mounting evidence to show that MG has damaging long-term effects on the sexual health of women.

MG is a sexually transmitted infection (STI) that causes urethritis in men (an infection of the urethra that results in a burning sensation and discharge from the penis).

New studies have also suggested that MG is capable of causing long-term problems with women’s sexual health, with one meta-analysis claiming that the bacteria can increase two-fold the risk of pre-term delivery, spontaneous abortion, and cervicitis (inflammation of the cervix).

MG is also associated with pelvic inflammatory disease – a painful condition with multiple complications such as abnormal uterine bleeding, fever, vomiting, and scarring of the fallopian tubes – in women.

Associate professor Catriona Bradshaw, a researcher at Melbourne Sexual Health Centre (MSHC), has been studying MG since 2003 and told BuzzFeed News that while it is not a particularly aggressive sexually-transmitted disease (unlike gonorrhoea), its effects on women’s reproductive tracts are cause for concern.

“As usual, the burden of disease and problems lie in women – who have more complicated reproductive systems,” she said.

Siphotography / Getty Images

While MG has not yet been found to have a statistically-significant link with infertility, Bradshaw says “there are warning signs there”.

The study of MG’s effect on women’s sexual health is relatively new, with researchers calling for more long-term studies to understand how it could be linked to infertility.

One paper from 2017 said public policy needed to be informed by studies showing how often MG causes pelvic inflammatory disease, infertility, or adverse pregnancy outcomes: “[We] currently lack the prospective studies that are necessary to determine this.”

Bradshaw and a team of researchers at MSHC are currently conducting a long-term study of women called “OMG” to better understand the MG symptoms.

Bradshaw said there was clarity around the symptoms MG causes in men, but that female studies were uncommon.

The prevalence of MG is increasing worldwide and it is now as common as chlamydia infections (1-2% of the population).

However, it is far more common in certain populations, such as men who engage in gay sex – one recent study from Western Sydney found that 13.4% of men that have sex with men and who visited a sexual health clinic tested positive for MG.

MG was first described in 1981, making it a relatively newly-recognised STI (gonorrhoea was first described in 1879, and chlamydia in 1907).

It has since become a thorn in the side of STI clinicians, who are concerned both by its growing prevalence as well as its increasing antibiotic-resistance.

Bradshaw has been researching MG since 2003 and has witnessed its rapid development of resistance to Azithromycin, a common antibiotic used for bacterial infections. MG is now showing resistance to antibiotics in other classes that have been used as a second-line defence.

The Western Sydney study found that 80% of the MG found was resistant to the class of drugs that Azithromycin belongs to.

“That first class which has Azithromycin in it, we’re losing, [and have] almost effectively have lost, to be frank, and the second class, which are more costly, we’re starting to lose as well,” said Bradshaw. “So we are in between a rock and a hard place with this bug.”

This antibiotic-resistance is in part due to the fact that Azithromycin is often used as a “treat first, ask diagnostic questions later” drug, where patients showing symptoms of chlamydia or MG are given a course before pathology results come back.

It is also due to the structure of MG bacteria and how they multiply. MG has the smallest-known genome of any free-living bacteria and does not have a cell wall, meaning that antibiotics designed to kill by attacking a cell wall do not work (including penicillins).

MG is also known to have a high error rate when multiplying, giving it a high mutation rate that can outpace antibiotics.

The British Association for Sexual Health and HIV (BASHH) released new treatment guidelines last week to stop the growth of the MG superbug.

One British sexual health consultant for BASHH described trying to treat MG as “trying to hit a moving target”.

MSHC’s OMG study currently has data from 750 women and will begin analysis once it reaches its target of 1,000.

Source: Elfy Scott (elfy.scott@buzzfeed.com.)

SexZeeNation:Man Divorces Wife For Sex Doll-By Zee Adamu

A 39-year-old man from Botswana known as Paellas Mohule, has divorced his legal wife for a sex doll he recently bought from the United States. According to him, women were just after his money and usually had diseases which made him prefer a doll. Mohule who is a car dealer in Gaborone, Botswana, bought a doll worth $2,600.00(N935,251.80) from the United States.

Africa is still conservative when it comes to sex matters especially with our diverse cultures juxtaposed by the proliferation of churches. So the above report came as a shock to all and Sunday.

Many churches across Africa had unequivocally condemned the trend whereby sex doll are seen as being threat to the marriage institution.

The sex doll hype being in vogue now is quickly catching people’s fancy. While some people believe sex dolls may curtail men’s frequent visits to brothels and call girls’ embrace, rape cased, unwanted pregnancied,  some people argue that it is unnatural to sleep with inanimate objects pretending they are humans.

To divorce a wife however, for a sex doll, begs for more as answers. A sex doll can not talk, cook, cool,  cajole , ,massage or do other things wives or husband can do. As the named implied, they are made solely for sex. But we don’t get married just solely for sex. A sex doll can not conceive nor birth a child.If we should all marry sex dolls, would not the future of humanity be doomed?

I hope someday we will not hear that sex dolls conceive and give birth like humans!

Edited By Zee Adamu with additional report by Daily Trust. 

SexZeeNation:How To Help A Partner With An Erectile Problem-By Zee Adamu-O’shaugnessy

WESTEND61 VIA GETTY IMAGES

It can be tricky getting your other half to see a healthcare professional at the best of times, so trying to persuade your partner that a quick chat might be helpful when the issue is erectile dysfunction (also known as ED) is even more difficult. But since it’s an issue that affects 4.3 million men in the UK* – it might help him to know he’s far from alone.

* Men reporting occasional and frequent difficulty getting and maintaining and erection [ref. Kantar TNS Omnibus Survey Dec 2010 – in a survey of 1,033 men]

It’s a sensitive issue, though – for both you and him, and confidence can be badly knocked on both sides. You might worry that he no longer finds you attractive, while he may feel that being unable to get or maintain an erection is a direct reflection on his masculinity, or that it’s just a natural part of the ageing process he has no control over.

Happily, none of these things are true. ED is a medical condition that means not enough blood flows to the penis to enable a man to either get an erection in the first place, or maintain an erection long enough to be able to make love. It’s also common for men to get erections that aren’t hard enough for sex.

LAFLOR VIA GETTY IMAGES

Understandably, it only takes a few episodes of erectile dysfunction to make your partner feel embarrassed about his ‘performance’, meaning he might make excuses to avoid getting intimate in case it happens again, creating a cycle of frustration and anxiety for you both. This can make things worse, and because it’s such a sensitive subject it can be very difficult to address, even in very established and loving relationships.

But there are ways you can support him. Remember firstly that this is a medical problem, it’s nobody’s fault, and as such, it might help to talk about it from that perspective. Try opening up the conversation by saying something like: ‘I’ve read that these sorts of issues can be a symptom of an underlying health problem. Do you think it would be worth a chat with your pharmacist?’ Be prepared for a negative response, or even anger, and remember that anxiety often provokes both, especially towards those closest to us. However, it may help him think about erectile dysfunction in a different way and reassure him it’s not ‘his fault’, or because of anything he’s done or hasn’t done.

HERO IMAGES VIA GETTY IMAGES

It may also help if you:

 

  • Carefully choose your time and place to chat. Don’t bring it up when you’re both under pressure, such as rushing out to work in the mornings. Pick a time you’re both likely to be feeling more relaxed – perhaps over a glass of wine in the evening.
  • Use neutral, non-blaming language. Don’t tell him it’s a problem he can no longer avoid, or ‘must face up to’. Try not to ask if he no longer finds you attractive. Having to take on your stress and worries will only increase the pressure on him.
  • Stay positive. Even if his initial reaction was to snap or shut down, let him know you’re still there for him. It might be days or even weeks later that he feels able to chat more openly about it.
  • Suggest some solutions that minimise any embarrassment he might be feeling. For instance, he could try talking to a pharmacist rather than his GP if he feels this is a less formal or stressful way to approach things. And there are products that can help, such as VIAGRA Connect®, which is available without prescription and helps to increase blood flow into the penis. It gets to work within 30 to 60 minutes of taking a single dose in pill form, and is effective for up to four hours. He can even order VIAGRA Connect® online from a registered online pharmacy (after taking a short questionnaire to see if it’s suitable) if he doesn’t feel comfortable having a discussion with a pharmacist.
  • Gently remind him that there are certain medical conditions that increase the risk of ED. These include diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Problems with the heart or circulation can also restrict blood flow to the penis. Making sure there are no underlying health concerns can help you both feel more relaxed and confident about a happy, loving future.

 

VIAGRA Connect® is the first medicine available without a prescription in the UK to help men with erectile dysfunction. VIAGRA Connect® is available to buy from the pharmacy and registered online pharmacies.

VIAGRA Connect® 50mg film coated tablets. Contains Sildenafil. For erectile dysfunction in adult men. Always read the leaflet.

For more information on ED and VIAGRA Connect®, visit viagraconnect.co.uk

Contributed By: By Claire Lavelle,

SexZeeÑation -By Zee Adamu-O’shaugnessy:Say Want???Study says no heterosexual man or woman is ‘100% straight’

 While researching for an entirely different subject, I stumbled on this interesting piece which I am sure will raise some eyebrows and precipitate a lively debate.Please feel free to comment.

Cornell University researchers say being completely one particular sexuality or another may not be so cut and dry.

A black couple on a date. © apops – Fotolia.com
    
A new study by a lead researcher at Cornell University is adding even more spice to our gendered norms, by asserting that no heterosexual person is solely turned on by the opposite sex. The study asserts that most people get aroused by both genders, says DailyMail.
Sexual preference has been a huge topic in the past few years, particularly with gay rights movements and LGBTQ awareness and rising visibility.

‘Kinda’ straight?

The question into the definitions of sexuality has been steadily rising, and this study proves that it may be moving the spectrum even more than in the past.
Particularly for heterosexual men, as author Ritch C Savin-Williams points out in the study, the concept of bisexuality is more complex.
Published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Savin-Williams equally examined both male and female-identified volunteers.
Each were shown porn involving men and involving women, and measured the dilation of their pupils, which reportedly is an indicator of sexual arousal.
In the study, women’s eyes dilated both while watching men with women and watching women with women.
Men’s eyes similarly dilated watching women masturbate, and while watching men masturbate, regardless of their sexual preference.

Answers not simple

Granted, there are questions left unanswered and seems to leave a lot to speculation. For instance, Savin-Williams told Vice“We used to think [bisexuality] was only a female phenomenon,” assuming that the arousal from men watching men directly relates to men being attracted to men. It could very easily be more complex than that. Perhaps the arousal is from their ability to visually stimulate arousal based upon the memory sensations of the act on themselves?space“> 
In a previous study, Savin-Williams reportedly found between 2 and 11 percent of adults had reported experiencing homosexual feelings. But he seems to contradict himself by stating that he believes the fluidity of arousal is commonly understated. 
We do know that sexuality is fluid, but is it fluid because arousal is fluid? Arousal is strongly associated with a physiological state, attached to the memory of a sensation. Can one be aroused by the opposite sex without wanting to engage in sex with them?
‘Men have gotten so much cultural crap put on them that even if a man does have some sexual attraction to guys, they would never say it,’ Savin-Williams told Vice 
Still, Savin-Williams has concluded that heterosexual men are better identified as “mostly straight,” so it seems that the heterosexual spectrum for men is bending, though not too far off.
Posted by  Jazzi Johnson