SexZeeNation – By Zee Adamu O’shaugnessy: Better Sex as You Age

In some cultures in Africa, it is unheard of that Senior citizens still enjoy the natural joys of sex. It is even a taboo to hear that couples in their sixties still indulge in sexual activities. However, with more enlightenment, this trend is fast changing as older couples get more aware that their pleasures should not be denied in any way.

below is an article I found educating and enriching and I hope it will go a long way in changing such impressions and making older couples comfortable with their sex lives.

-Zee

Tips for Enjoying a Healthy Sex Life as You Get Older

Older couple dancingSex can be a powerful emotional experience and a great tool for protecting or improving health, and it’s certainly not only for the young. Sex over the age of 50 can present challenges, and you may feel discouraged by issues connected with the aging process, but these problems are not insurmountable. With better understanding and an open mind, you can continue to enjoy a physically and emotionally fulfilling sex life—it’s not a question of age, but of desire.

Good sex at any age

The need for intimacy is ageless. And studies now confirm that no matter what your gender, you can enjoy sex for as long as you wish. Naturally, sex at 70 or 80 may not be like it is at 20 or 30—but in some ways it can be better. As an older adult, you may feel wiser than you were in your earlier years, and know what works best for you when it comes to your sex life. Older people often have a great deal more self-confidence and self-awareness, and feel released from the unrealistic ideals of youth and prejudices of others. And with children grown and work less demanding, couples are better able to relax and enjoy one another without the old distractions.

For a number of reasons, though, many adults worry about sex in their later years, and end up turning away from sexual encounters. Some older adults feel embarrassed, either by their aging bodies or by their “performance,” while others are affected by illness or loss of a partner. Without accurate information and an open mind, a temporary situation can turn into a permanent one. You can avoid letting this happen by being proactive. Whether you’re seeking to restart or improve your sex life, it’s important to be ready to try new things, and to ask for professional help if necessary. There is much you can do to compensate for the normal changes that come with aging. With proper information and support, your later years can be an exciting time to explore both the emotional and sensual aspects of your sexuality.

Benefits of sex as you age

As an older adult, the two things that may have brought the greatest joy—children and career—may no longer be as prevalent in your everyday life. Personal relationships often take on a greater significance, and sex can be an important way of connecting. Sex has the power to:

  • Improve mental and physical health. Sex can burn fat, cause the brain to release endorphins, and drastically reduce anxiety.
  • Increase lifespan. Through its health-improving benefits, a good sex life can add years to your life.
  • Solidify relationships. Sex is a chance to express the closeness of your deepest relationship.
  • Give refuge. Sex gives you a chance to escape from the sometimes harsh realities of the world.

Accept and celebrate who you are

Sex in later life may not be the same as it was in your youth—but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. In fact, sex can be more enjoyable than ever. As you find yourself embracing your older identity, you can:

Reap the benefits of experience. The independence and self-confidence that comes with age can be very attractive to your spouse or potential partners. No matter your gender, you may feel better about your body at 62 or 72 than you did at 22. And it is likely that you now know more about yourself and what makes you excited and happy. Your experience and self-possession can make your sex life exciting for you and your partner.

Look ahead. As you age, try to let go of expectations for your sex life. Do your best to avoid dwelling on how things are different. If you enjoyed an active sex life in your younger years, there’s no reason to slow down with age, unless you want to. A positive attitude and open mind can go a long way toward improving your sex life as you age.

Love and appreciate your older self. Naturally, your body is going through changes as you age. You look and feel differently than you did when you were younger. But if you can accept these changes as natural and hold your head up high, you’ll not only feel better, you’ll also be more attractive to others. Confidence and honesty garner the respect of others—and can be sexy and appealing.

Good sex as you age is safe sex as you age

As an older adult, you need to be just as careful as younger people when having sex with a new partner. You may not be able to get pregnant, but you’re still susceptible to sexually transmitted diseases. Talk to your partner, and protect yourself.

Communicate with your partner

As bodies and feelings change as you grow older, it’s more important than ever to communicate your thoughts, fears, and desires with your partner. Encourage your partner to communicate fully with you, too. Speaking openly about sex may not come easily to you, but improving your communication will help both of you feel closer, and can make sex more pleasurable.

Broaching the subject of sex can be difficult for some people, but it should get easier once you begin. And as an added bonus, you may find that just talking about sex can make you feel sexy. Try the following strategies as you begin the conversation.

Be playful. Being playful can make communication about sex a lot easier. Use humor, gentle teasing, and even tickling to lighten the mood.

Be honest. Honesty fosters trust and relaxes both partners—and can be very attractive. Let your partner know how you are feeling and what you hope for in a sex life.

Discuss new ideas. If you want to try something new, discuss it with your partner, and be open to his or her ideas, too. The senior years—with more time and fewer distractions—can be a time of creativity and passion.

Modernize. You may belong to a generation in which sex was a taboo subject. But talking openly about your needs, desires, and concerns with your partner can make you closer—and help you both enjoy sex and intimacy.

Focus on intimacy and physical touch

A good sex life—at any age—involves a lot more than just sex. It’s also about intimacy and touch, things anyone can benefit from. Even if you have health problems or physical disabilities, you can engage in intimate acts and benefit from closeness with another person. Take the pressure off by putting aside your old ideas of what sex “should be.” Focus instead on the importance of tenderness and contact.

Taking your time

Without pressing workloads or young children to worry about, many older adults have far more time to devote to pleasure and intimacy. Use your time to become more intimate.

Stretch your experience. Start with a romantic dinner—or breakfast—before lovemaking. Share romantic or erotic literature and poetry. Having an experience together, sexual or not, is a powerful way of connecting intimately.

Don’t be shy. Hold hands and touch your partner often, and encourage them to touch you. Tell your partner what you love about them, and share your ideas about new sexual experiences you might have together.

Relax. Find something that relaxes both partners, perhaps trying massage or baths together. Relaxation fosters confidence and comfort, and can help both erectile and dryness problems.

Expanding your definition of sex

Sexuality necessarily takes on a broader definition as we age. Try to open up to the idea that sex can mean many things, and that closeness with a partner can be expressed in many ways.

It’s not just about intercourse. Sex can also be about emotional pleasure, sensory pleasure, and relationship pleasure. Intercourse is only one way to have fulfilling sex. Touching, kissing, and other intimate sexual contact can be just as rewarding for both you and your partner.

Natural changes. As you age, it’s normal for you and your partner to have different sexual abilities and needs. Find new ways to enjoy sexual contact and intimacy. You may have intercourse less often than you used to, but the closeness and love you feel will remain.

Find what works for you

You might not be as comfortable with some sexual positions as you once were, but that doesn’t mean you need to give up an activity that is pleasurable for you—and miss out on feeling close to your partner. Keep in mind that it’s not all about intercourse or recreating the way things were when you were younger. The key to a great sex life is finding out what works for you now. Sex as you age may call for some creativity. Use the following ideas as inspiration, but don’t be afraid to come up with your own.

Experiment. Try sexual positions that you both find comfortable and pleasurable, taking changes into account. For men, if erectile dysfunction is an issue, try sex with the woman on top, as hardness is less important. For women, using lubrication can help.

Expand what sex means. Holding each other, gentle touching, kissing, and sensual massage are all ways to share passionate feelings. Try oral sex or masturbation as fulfilling substitutes to intercourse.

Change your routine. Simple, creative changes can improve your sex life. Change the time of day when you have sex to a time when you have more energy. For example, try being intimate in the morning rather than at the end of a long day.

Foreplay. Because it might take longer for you or your partner to become aroused, take more time to set the stage for romance, such as a romantic dinner or an evening of dancing. Or try connecting first by extensive touching or kissing.

Playfulness. Being playful with your partner is important for a good sex life at any age, but can be especially helpful as you age. Tease or tickle your partner—whatever it takes to have fun. With the issues you may be facing physically or emotionally, play may be the ticket to help you both relax.

Restarting a stalled sex drive

Some older adults give up having a sex life due to emotional or medical challenges. But the vast majority of these issues do not have to be permanent. You can restart a stalled sex drive—and get your sex life back in motion. Remember that maintaining a sex life into your senior years is a matter of good health. Try thinking of sex as something that can keep you in shape, both physically and mentally.

The path to satisfying sex as you age is not always smooth. Understanding the problems can be an effective first step to finding solutions.

Emotional obstacles. Stress, anxiety, and depression can affect your interest in sex and your ability to become aroused. Psychological changes may even interfere with your ability to connect emotionally with your partner.

Body image. As you notice more wrinkles or gray hair, or become aware of love handles or cellulite, you may feel less attractive to your partner. These feelings can make sex less appealing, and can cause you to become less interested in sex.

Low self-esteem. Changes at work, retirement, or other major life changes may leave you feeling temporarily uncertain about your sense of purpose. This can undermine your self-esteem and make you feel less attractive to others.

Worry over “performance.” Worrying about how you will perform, or whether you are worthy of sexual attention from your partner, can lead to impotence in men and lack of arousal or orgasm in women. This may be a problem you have never before had to face. Sex drives can be naturally stalled as you face the realities of aging, but it is possible to overcome these bumps in the road.

Communicate. Talk to your partner, or to a friend or counselor, about your issues, whether they’re physical or emotional. Explain the anxieties you are feeling, ask for and accept reassurance, and continue the conversation as things come up.

Just “do it.” Sex is just as healthy and necessary as exercise and, just like exercise, it may surprise you with pleasure and satisfaction—even if you weren’t “in the mood.” So get back into practice. Once you’re back in the habit, you’ll start to feel better and your sex drive should naturally increase.

Increase your activity level. Bumping up your general level of activity will benefit your sex drive by increasing your energy and sense of well-being.

Let it go. As much as you can, use your age and experience to be wise and candid with yourself. Let go of your feelings of inadequacy and let yourself enjoy sex as you age.

Know when to seek help

No matter what your age, losing your desire for intimacy and touch altogether isn’t normal. In fact, loss of interest or function may be signs of a medical problem—one that may be best addressed by a doctor. If something is getting in the way of your desire or ability to have a good sex life, don’t let embarrassment keep you from asking your doctor for help. Working with a professional, there is much you can do to improve your sex life.

Keep in mind that anything that affects your general health and well-being can also affect your sexual function. Sexual health can be affected by:

Medical conditions. Illnesses that involve the cardiovascular system, high blood pressure, diabetes, hormonal problems, depression, or anxiety can affect sex drive and function. You can talk to your doctor about strategies to combat these issues.

Medications. Certain medications can inhibit your sexual response, including your desire for sex, your ability to become aroused and your orgasmic function. You can talk to your doctor about switching to a different medication with fewer sexual side effects.

Sex after a heart attack

Many older adults with heart disease—or who’ve suffered a past heart attack—are less sexually active than they used to be or even stop having sex completely, often fearing that sex may trigger another heart attack. However, for most people it is still possible to enjoy an active sex life with heart disease.

According to a recent study, for every 10,000 people who have sex once a week, only two or three will experience another heart attack, and their risk of dying during sex is extremely low.

  • Check with your doctor before resuming sexual activity.
  • Participate in a cardiac rehabilitation program to improve your fitness.
  • If you can exercise hard enough to work up a light sweat without triggering symptoms, you should be safe to have sex.
  • Wait to have sex if you have advanced heart failure, severe valve disease, uncontrolled arrhythmia, unstable angina, unstable or severe heart disease.
  • Once your condition is under control, ask your doctor when it’s safe to resume sexual activity.

SourceHarvard Medical School

SexZeeNation- By Zee Adamu O’Shaugnessy

How to talk about sex without alienating your Teen

Oftentimes, your teen may seem unapproachable or extremely uncomfortable when talking to you about personal issues such as sex and sexuality. Here is a list of advice you may want to consider that can help prevent estranging your teen in the process:

Be clear about your values.values
Before you speak with your child about sexuality, think about what your values are. What do you believe? What does your faith tradition say? It is important to give your children factual information – and to be very specific about how your beliefs either agree with or differ from science.

Talk about facts vs. beliefs.factVSbelief
Sometimes, factual information can challenge a personal belief or what a faith community believes. This can provide an opportunity to make sure that your child both has accurate information and hears what your values are relating to it. It also provides an opportunity to explain that there are different beliefs in the community, that people are allowed to disagree with each other, and that differing views should be respected – as long as those views are based on ethics, responsibility, justice, equality, and nonviolence.

Practice what you preach…practice
Young people often find it confusing when parents talk about a value regarding sexuality and then act in a way that does not support that value. Some common values about sexuality and relationships that most people support include honesty, equality, responsibility, and respect for differences. Acting on your values and being a good role model are powerful messages for your children. On the other hand, your beliefs will not seem very important or valuable to your children if they don’t see you respect and abide by them yourself.

… But don’t preach.preach
Have a conversation with your children – don’t talk at them. Find out what they think and how they feel about sexuality and relationships. Then you will be able to share information and respond to questions in ways that will resonate with the belief system they are developing for themselves.

Encourage a sense of pride.pride
All children deserve to be wanted and loved, and parents can reinforce this message. Let them know you are interested in what they think and how they feel about any topic, whether it is sexuality, school, religion, the future, or whatever. When your children share feelings with you, praise them for it. Correct misinformation gently, and reinforce your values whenever possible.

Keep the conversation going.conversation
Too often, parents think they need to wait until they collect enough information and energy to be prepared to have “THE TALK” with their children. However, sexuality is a part of every person’s life from the moment he or she is born. It is important, therefore, to start the conversation early, and to make it clear to your children that you are always willing to talk about sexuality – whenever questions come up for them, or when a “teachable moment” occurs.

Keep your sense of humor!humor
Sexuality, in most of its aspects, can be a joyful topic for discussion in the family. Remember to keep your sense of humor throughout conversations with your child – the conversation doesn’t have to be tense and uncomfortable unless you make it that way.
Things to Remember and Other Tips

Things to Remember and Other Tips

Here is an additional list of some important things to remember throughout your interactions with your teen regarding the topic of sex. This list includes some additional tips and advice not covered in the previous sections.

  1. Teens need accurate information and decision-making skills to help protect them from: the pressure to have sex, unintended pregnancy, and contracting sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV/AIDS.
  2. If talking with your teen about sex is difficult for you, admit it.
  3. Don’t make the conversation tense; keep your sense of humor.
  4. Use the media (example: TV, movies, magazines, and articles) as well as real-life situations (example: a friend’s pregnancy) to begin talking about sex.
  5. Share your values regarding sex, but accept that your teen may choose to have sex despite these values.
  6. Asking questions about sex does not automatically mean that your teen is thinking about having sex. Don’t make assumptions.
  7. Ask your teen what they want to know about sex. If you don’t know the answer, admit it. Find the answers together.
  8. Talk with your teen about reasons to wait to have sex. Remind your teen that they can choose to wait (abstain) even if they have had sex before.
  9. Reassure your teen that not everyone is having sex, and that it is okay to be a virgin. The decision to become sexually active is too important to be based on what other people think or do.
  10. Talk with your teen about ways to handle pressure from others to have sex.
  11. To feel comfortable talking openly with you, your teen needs to know that you will not punish him or her for being honest.
  12. Leave age-appropriate articles or books about teenage sexuality around your home. Teens will pick them up on their own to read them (See the Additional Resources Section).
  13. Your first talk with your teen regarding sex should not be your last! Talk with your teen about sex on an ongoing basis. Let your teen know that you are always open and willing to talk about any questions or concerns they may have about sex.

Source:

Parenting Teens and Preteens

Liver transplant from HIV+ living donor to negative recipient: key ethical issues — Dr Harriet Etheredge

About a year ago we made a tough call of our own: we could save a child’s life by giving the child a liver transplant – but risked infecting the child with HIV in the process. The donor was the child’s mother, who is HIV positive and the child was HIV negative. The procedure came with a risk of transmitting HIV to the child.

via Liver transplant from HIV+ living donor to negative recipient: key ethical issues — Dr Harriet Etheredge

CHAD’S CHAT

UNDERSTANDING THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN MEETING RESPONSIBILITIES AND MALE LIBIDO/PERFORMANCE

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On this platform and elsewhere, I have concentrated on writing about politics and the economy but in recent times, i am beginning to be concerned about social phenomena. Well, this isn’t altogether strange because by education, training and experience, I am well-equipped to write about social issues even as I remember that as undergraduates, one of my friends would always boast that he has the structural and sociological tools of analysis. I believe I have this tool, too.

I like to brood about Nigeria and recently, I have been thinking about the relationship between meeting responsibilities and sexual libido/performance, for men – men above 30 years. But before I go further, it is important to note that the scope of this piece is of men who know and are alive to their responsibilities. That is, men who know they have responsibilities to meet and who work hard to meet them (atleast most of them). The opposite of these men are those who do not care, men who would sit down and watch others perform their responsibilities or watch it consume them and their loved ones. This kind of men are not the concern of this piece.

To be scientific and empirical in my findings, i sampled the opinion of some of my male friends and acquaintances (men who are 35 years and above) to find out their experiences on this matter. And my findings show that there is a Siamese-twin-like relationship between a RESPONSIBLE man’s bank balance and his sexual libido/performance. How so? When a responsible man cannot meet his and his dependants needs (not wants), he is often not geared towards sexual encounters with his woman. Why so? Because his mind is worried (he feels less of a man) and science tells us that there is a connection between the mind and sex. Conversely, when a responsible man is able to meet most of his responsibilities per time, he is always agile and ready to go. A responsible man’s responsibilities cuts across his parents, siblings, wife, children and relatives. Isn’t this why it is said that to be a (responsible) man is not easy?

Now, as long as we live in this world, no man would ever be able to always meet all of his responsibilities all of the time but if he can meet most of them, particularly his responsibilities towards providing the basic needs of food, shelter and clothing for himself and his dependants (parents, wife, children, siblings, etc) he is likely to effectively ‘represent’ and satisfy his woman in za oza room. This of course becomes true when you consider all things as being equal – that is, when his low sexual libido/performance is unconnected to issues relating to untreated sexual infections and other reasons that may be spiritual.

The lesson in this finding is that women; particularly girlfriends and wives, must pray for the success of their boyfriends and husbands because it is in their prosperity and in their ability to meeting their open responsibilities of house rents, school fees, feeding, etc that often than not, they can consistently be able to excellently perform their secret responsibility to their women in the bedroom. Search me but no RESPONSIBLE man would always be sexually active and ‘in-form’ when he is worried about unpaid house rent, food for his wife and children, school fees for the children, inability to fend for his old parents or not achieving his professional ambitions. This is the truth and women must be understanding and helpful by praying for their men and also learning to financially support their men in his responsibilities to them, the children and others.

© Chad Otsapa

Senan The Local Government Chairman- By Senan Murray

Senan the Local Government Chairman!

image.jpeg

It’s a cool Monday morning in Lagos, but I really don’t want to go out today. I fear that Lagos people would look at me and hiss in that long annoying way that only Lagos people can when they see me walking around with my shoulders raised like a local government chairman’s! They wouldn’t care to find out the burden I bear before passing judgement. So I’m wondering whether I should head to the job.

Here’s free advice for anyone who uses one of those shaving creams to get rid of unwanted hair on their body, especially those tender hidden parts: first turn on the tap to be sure it’s running before you start applying that stuff!

I’m in the bathroom, performing my weekly morning rituals, which often involve shaving the armpits. Without first checking the tap, I just started scooping vats of the “Magic Razorless Cream Shave” to my underarms. I then proceeded to wait for the recommended four minutes for the job to be done before simply washing off the unwanted fur.

While waiting, I decided to see what new subjects Nigerians were talking about on social media. And social media being like a pretty girl who keeps teasing you with her fluttering shovel-length eyelashes, I forgot to keep track of time until my burning armpits reminded me it was time to wash off the cream shave.

I dropped the phone and turned on the tap. Nothing. Just a mocking hiss, the type you hear somewhere on Mainland, probably Oshodi. I turned it off and turned it back on again. The hiss, which I had imagined promised flow of water at some point had stopped. I dashed out of the bathroom, towel almost falling off to look for my phone so I could call the caretaker of my building to do something about the water. After searching for close to five minutes, I panicked because my armpits were now a raging California ‘wild’ fire!

I had finished using all the four-letter words I knew – was shocked to realise that I had quite a decent vocabulary here that was just redundant – when I remembered that the blinking phone was in the bloody bath room! I dashed back into the bathroom and called Mike the caretaker. He answered like I had just interrupted something he was doing that involved his girlfriend. Even though I lay his salary, I was practically on my knees begging Mike to please do something about the water. He promised to go up to the second floor where the booster pump and water storage tank were to see what the matter was.

Ten minutes later, still no water and Mike was still upstairs fiddling with the plumbing bits and getting no where. I suddenly remembered that I had one of those water dispensers tucked away in the corner behind the dining table. I ran over there and ripped off the big transparent bottle, spilling some water ok the marble floor.

A moment later, I was back in the bathroom, washing off the shaving cream from my armpit and screaming in agony. The hair was coming with bits of top skin. I hated the shaving cream. I hated Mike. I hated his girlfriend. I hated my flat. I hated the shiny useless silver tap. I hated Lagos. I just wanted to leave this place and go to my farm!

But I have a meeting scheduled with my new boss today. I have to attend this meeting and I’m absolutely worried about what impression I would make on her walking in with my shoulders raised like a local government chairman’s.

©Senan Murray 2019

SexZeeNation:Man Divorces Wife For Sex Doll-By Zee Adamu

A 39-year-old man from Botswana known as Paellas Mohule, has divorced his legal wife for a sex doll he recently bought from the United States. According to him, women were just after his money and usually had diseases which made him prefer a doll. Mohule who is a car dealer in Gaborone, Botswana, bought a doll worth $2,600.00(N935,251.80) from the United States.

Africa is still conservative when it comes to sex matters especially with our diverse cultures juxtaposed by the proliferation of churches. So the above report came as a shock to all and Sunday.

Many churches across Africa had unequivocally condemned the trend whereby sex doll are seen as being threat to the marriage institution.

The sex doll hype being in vogue now is quickly catching people’s fancy. While some people believe sex dolls may curtail men’s frequent visits to brothels and call girls’ embrace, rape cased, unwanted pregnancied,  some people argue that it is unnatural to sleep with inanimate objects pretending they are humans.

To divorce a wife however, for a sex doll, begs for more as answers. A sex doll can not talk, cook, cool,  cajole , ,massage or do other things wives or husband can do. As the named implied, they are made solely for sex. But we don’t get married just solely for sex. A sex doll can not conceive nor birth a child.If we should all marry sex dolls, would not the future of humanity be doomed?

I hope someday we will not hear that sex dolls conceive and give birth like humans!

Edited By Zee Adamu with additional report by Daily Trust. 

How mobile phones transmit viruses, germs – Expert

Dr Michael Oguntoye, a Public Health Physician, has warned that mobile phones can serve as a medium to transmit diseases and infections if it comes in contact with body fluids of an infected person.

 

Oguntoye told the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) that mobile phones are “fomites” which could serve as channel of transmitting viral organism, causing diseases and infections on people.

The publice health physician described fomites as any non-living object or substance capable of carrying infectious organisms, such as viruses or bacteria.
“Taking a cell phone into the bathroom and then leaving with it, can carry diseases and germs, especially when you do not wash your hands and then coming out,” he said.

Oguntoye, who is an epidemiologist with Kwara Ministry of Health, advised people to keep their phones away from the toilet and observe personal hygiene such as hand washing at all times.
Speaking further, he recommended cleaning of phones with disinfectant that would not harm the phones.