Once I Was Lost – By Angela Bontle Ditumiso

I had been drumming my ribs
Trying to save myself from the gnawing silence
It had picked on me
‘Til there was nothing left to trade for a chuckle
I had no nickle,
No strength
Nothing of my own except my body
An empty body
A hollow casing I couldn’t even trade for peace
Because it is sin to kill
And even though I hadn’t always clung to the cross
I was never that much of a rogue
To defy the Word to that extent

I knocked on desperation’s door
And she let me in
At that moment I was preying on a grave
Praying for death
Living ain’t easy especially when
You’re holding your breath hoping to die
I should know
I have been there

I wasn’t even twenty and yet
I had reached a dead end
Trapped by time, there was no going back
Turn the hourglass upside down
You’ll see for yourself
I searched for anything
That could relieve me of the burdens
Of this world
Something luminous
To chase away the darkness, the brokenness

I had been lost
And I guess at some point I gave up
Never thought I’d find my way
Never thought I’d be found
But just when I was ’bout to give in
There was Jesus

He turned things around
Made a strong foundation right there
At rock bottom
Healed me, now I bear the scars
As a sign of what I’ve been through,
What I endured

Every morning, I open my eyes
To a season of spring
I’m blooming
I’m booming
I’m beaming

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